Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
