Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
