mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
don't judge my taste in strippers
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
