just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Randomize
