I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
