and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
