Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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