I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize