I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Success! We fucked roommates!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
