Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
