I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
