we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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