Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm at about main and main street
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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