I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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