come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
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i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
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... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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