hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
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Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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