I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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