i would punch a child for taco bell
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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