I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
