I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
