I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
