ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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