He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
