She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
