anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Randomize
