Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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