Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
