My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
