In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
