I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
