I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
