Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
time to smoke my breakfast
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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