i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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