does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
