my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
