An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
