Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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