Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
