There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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