I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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