Acid is not a monday night drug
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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