I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
