I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
