Already got asked if we're dating
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
it hurts more in the daytime
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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