it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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