Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
