As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
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If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
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she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize