I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
my being single is dangerous.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
