They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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