these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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