OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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