I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize
