I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Randomize
