I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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