Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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