I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
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You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
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It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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