It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
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