he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
