The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
