bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
