Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?