Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"