but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
