Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
