His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
