we have officially lost it.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
