Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize