Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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