I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
