he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
