so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
