I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
