yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
