If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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