I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
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And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
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She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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