I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
