I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
