im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
